Day 59 - Another end

Gone off the blog for a few days, eating crap food all month, not exercising - I have definitely derailed this health train. I am so disappointed. The sugar addiction is real and I think I need a support group. Back to square one. Tomorrow is March 1st - and I love starting things on the 1st of things - so that's what I am going to do. I really hope that people can relate to this blog and the struggles that come with dieting and exercise. It's hard - and I don't know if it's because I don't want it bad enough or I don't want it bad enough - LOL. I don't know what it's going to take, but I must get there. I must do it. Found a quote today, shared below, and I must have a lack of commitment to this project. I am starting to think this is more about the mental commitment and not that it's a habit. Eating sugar is a habit - and I need to kick it. I want to kick it....well sort of lol - what? It just tastes so good - I want to make it not taste good!!

Today was also weigh in day - I wasn't as happy this month - wasn't even skipping to the scale even. I know my crap food and lack of exercise did not work in my favor. I relentlessly stepped on the scale, and the results.... 152.2lbs. I was kind of astonished - thinking I hadn't gained or lost anything. How could that be? I honestly was hoping I had gained weight. The world had given its "Ah-Ha" moment to teach me a lesson, but no. Well that's what I thought had happened until I logged into MyFitnessPal and entered today's weight in. And sad to report, Ingained 1.4 lbs, and that's what I deserve. How could I possibly think I was gonna get away with these bad habits? Just another reason why March 1st needs to be the start of a new slate. 

Because the fast starts March 9th, I'm just going to start some new habits until then. I thought maybe to start the full fast right away, but that's unrealistic and unnecessary. So from March 1-9 - no sugar, no pork, no red meats. And Sunday is still a rest day, but Monday its ON!! And most importantly - get back to blogging!!

Even thought I'm down 10lbs still - it's not Ok!!

And to top it off - my goodies today - cuz everyone knows how I do it big before I start a diet.

So True!!

Day 56 - Running partner

Another day of carrot muffins for breakfast. Glad these things have raisins in them because at least it's a little bit of yummy in every other bite. Maybe next time I make these I add more raisins. At least I made up for it at lunch with my yummy hamburger with bacon, lettuce, and sautéed onions and mushrooms - enjoyed every bite of that too. Top it off with a grapefruit for dinner and if say it was a good day. 

Dakota, my daughter, came to the gym with me today. That made it a little more fun than usual. She obviously puts my running game to shame, but I'm glad for her that she can do that. She inspires me:) She doesn't like running at all, but she did it with me so I thought it was great!! I have actually went backwards in my running habits too, can't run as long or as far as before my crap eating starting happening again. But again at least I went. 

The Easter fast is coming up soon. I believe they want to start March 9th, but I'm considering starting on the 1st. I need to gain control of myself again. That means I've got three days. Something to consider.

Treadmill time with my mini me:)

Not as far and not as long. Grrrrrr

Best food ever!! If I could eat this every day I would!!

Day 55 - I found the body

So it's probably a little unrealistic because the lady that has the body I want, probably doesn't have any kids - but it's good to have a goal. Now, eating a whole roll of Thin Mints in 5 minutes probably isn't the way to get there, but it happened and I don't know how. Damn Girl Scouts and there irresistible cookies will be the end of me. 

At least I started the day off pretty good though. Had those carrot muffins for breakfast, and they aren't the best things I've ever tasted, but edible nonetheless. I'm almost thinking they taste worse because of the crap food I've been eating lately. I also made a paleo Orange Chicken recipe in the crockpot. And that I definitely had to taste, and it was.... Amazing. So that's something to look forward to tomorrow. My husband even liked it too - so that's probably at least one of the things I can make for everyone. So that's good. 

No exercise for today either. Gotta get the 4 hours of available sleep when I can. I hope this schedule ends soon - don't know how much longer I can take. 

So I heard back from the doctor today. And similar to what the other one said yesterday, they cannot identify the mass and I need to have a repeat ultrasound in two months. So imma pray my butt off and leave it in Gods hands:) He's got me:) and thanks everyone who helped with prayers and positive thoughts:)

My inspiration - probably will get a boob job to complete the look - but will enjoying being the rest of this regardless 

The paleo Carrot Raison Muffins - meh!

The results - hope I don't see more in 60 days

Day 54 - I see now

So far so good, gettin back on track. Had my paleo pancakes for breakfast, which didn't taste too bad, but I don't think I made them right. I only had one egg, and the recipe called for 3, so I had to split the recipe ingredients into 3, and for some reason it never turns out like its supposed to. I will be picking up eggs today though and hope to make them again and then we'll see. Had rotisserie chicken and zucchini for lunch, which is always a winner. Made some carrot muffins for tomorrow - I think we're gettin there. 

Work, cook, and school - I'm not gonna lie - I really didn't want to go to the gym. I  said I was going after school, but on my drive home after school I was dang near falling asleep at the wheel, and I wanted nothing more than to climb into bed and go to sleep - cuz Lord know I needed to get up at 12:30am to pick up my husband and that extra hour of sleep vs. exercising was more ideal at this point. BUT I didn't give in!! I brought my tired behind to the gym, sluggishly walked in, and got on that treadmill!! Yes I did!! I did not give into the lazy!! But I will tell you I was not at peek performance. I don't know if it was because I was tired, or the fact I've been eating crap food and not going to the gym, but I was not at my best and only ran for 15 of 40 minutes:( Although I was speed walking the rest, it was still rather disappointing. So now I see - I see the difference and need to get back to where I was.

When I was leaving the gym, I saw this guy walk up to the door outside, scan his Snap fitness badge, and walk back to his car. I can't even say anything, because that's the very exact thing I thought about doing tonight. Because if nothing else, at least continue to get the fitness health insurance discount. But it was at that moment I was even more proud of myself, because I may not have done my best tonight, but at least I did something. 

Called to get ultrasound results today and my doctor wasn't in. I got a message online from the doctor that was in, and I wasn't satisfied with the results. Read below. I am hoping my doctor will call today and shed some better light on this whole ordeal. 

Sometimes it's the only question....

But I chose to exercise today - yay me!

These crappy results...

Day 53 - Festival of Feasts

Yep - that done messed up all my Sunday plans for this dang diet. First annual Festival of Feasts at church after service. And I know I didn't have to eat it, but it looked sooooo good. Even my bestie was like "you're gonna eat that?" - to my reply "hell to the yes I am". There was so much food there and most of it tasted as wonderful as it looked. Of coarse I had to bring my eggrolls:) so I was up early frying those, and of course eating them for breakfast too - LOL. I won't feel bad about what I ate today, maybe a wee bit guilty since I vouged to change it up, but I'm human, and good food must be eaten. 

The rest of my day was so busy it left no room for exercise either. Now that I will feel bad about. But only for a second though. Sunday is supposed to be my rest day anyways - and that the story I'm sticking to. Now if I continue with no exercise the rest of the week, well then all of this was for nothing. 

We did have family movie evening, where I sat everyone around the TV to watch Fed Up". It's a documentary on the reason why Americans are the most obese country in the world, and also how sugar is the new cocaine. The food industry is pretty much doing this to us by the way they manufacture their food. This is something I already knew, but it was good to get the kids and especially my husband to see. They did also talk about the "counting of the calories". And how it pretty much doesn't make sense because the calories you consume via crap food is absorbed in the body differently than the same amount of calories in the healthy food. So pretty much my 100 calories of cupcake is gonna make me fat regardless becaus the way the body breaks it down. This sucks. 

So pretty much the whole - I exercise so I can eat what I want - craze is a bunch of crap. And that makes me sad because that's what I was going for.... Eventually. 

Kids on sugar - yes it's creepy - but sadly true.

My early morning egg roll making for church. 

Good People, Good Food, Good Time - No Regrets!! 

Day 52 - Back with a plan

So now that I'm mentally back in the game, tomorrow is Sunday, the day of new beginnings, and I'm about to get physically back. 

I started my day with a banana and some coffee. A nice healthy salad and orange or lunch. A little set back with a taco for dinner, but I'm okay with that. I will also be going grocery shopping tomorrow and  prepping some meals for the week.

I'm going to get back to running, and incorporate the P90X weight routines for strength. I will do this!!

Lunch was lovely!!

Some inspiration from Mrs Daisy. So true!!

The worksheets - I get tired lookin at them LOL

Day 51 - 8 left

I ate like crap today. Every single thing I put in my mouth was something I was not supposed to eat. And then I topped it off with ice cream. I didn't care. I wish I could be one of those people that didn't eat when they are stressed, but I'm not. When I'm stressed all I can think about is what I'm going to eat while I'm rolled up on the couch while watching bad movies.  I know I'm going to regret everything tomorrow, but I need to stress eat to get it out of my system and get with a new plan! I used to stress drink - to the point if cry it all out, then wake up the next day with a plan and move forward. So at least I stopped drinking - LOL, but I do feel like some wine is needed in my near future. 

I got the CT results back today. A 1.5mm and a 3mm kidney stone was found in my left kidney. So I get to keep my urology appointment so I can figure out how to remove the big one - sounds fun. I've had kidney stones before and it sucks!! Apparently not enough to drink water on a regular basis though, but now I'm thinking I'd rather, so today I'm downloading the drinking water app and start setting alarms as to when to drink water. Pretty sad I have to do that, but 21 days to form a habit right? So let's get with it! Gotta pass these stones, and stop them from returning!! 

Then the doctor says - "sometimes we find things we aren't necessarily looking for when we do these scans" - okay well that didn't sound very good. Then she told me she found a 1.5mm x 2.5mm soft tissue density mass in my endometrial canal. Ok well, a "mass" to me sounds like a nice doctor way of saying "tumor" - this isn't good. And now they want a pelvic ultrasound. And now commence "stress eating". I got the ultrasound done, results on Monday. I'm not going to lie though, I hope whatever it is causes me to get a hysterectomy - but not have it be a big enough reason to start chemo or anything else terribly scary. I'm done having babies, and hate getting my period!! Really tired of buying myself feminine products. But I don't think I'm strong enough to deal with anything scary or life threatening- not now. 

Again no exercise today - I just went to sleep. And tomorrow will be a new day. Not quite a new me - but a new day to restart what I was set out to do by December 31st! 8 of 10 eat whatever you want days left. 

A little visual for the size of my kidney stones.

A little peak into my dietary consumption 

I am happy with the way my clothes are currently fitting, but I know it can get better! Gettin back to the workout grind!!

Day 50 - CT scan day

The only thing I don't like about getting procedures done is the fact they starve you beforehand. I understand the point of it, but still. No eating 3 hours before and fill up the bladder with clear liquid. So my early mornings force me to eat breakfast early, and my lack of meal prep and funds left me lunch-less. So I had my banana streusel muffins around 630am and I stocked up on coffee and tea until about 11 and then I switched to water. The scan was scheduled for 4pm, and I was ready. Everything went fine, except for being stuck 3 times for the IV, and oh boy was I starving. And yes, I did what everyone didn't think I would.

It's amazing the things you do when you're hungry and broke. If I was in the woods I would definitely been the one finding the grub worms and bugs at this point, but we aren't in the woods so I did the next best thing..... used my coupon for a FREE butterburger at Culver's. I was already late for school so I might as well make it worth it. I don't know if it was that I was so hungry or if I hadn't had a burger in so long, but it went down so fast I don't even remember what it tasted like anymore. Sad. And after logging in those calories into MyFitnessPal, I'm glad I don't eat like that everyday. I wish I could say it was worth it, but I fear I will regret that one later.

There it is - the evidence. 

And there it is - the repercussion

Water, water, and more water.

Day 49 - Fun size

I see why people who eat crap food and count calories end up losing weight. The high calorie items are bite size, forcing the person to eat less and starve. And I know this from personal experience. I was in a co-workers office and the small bag of fun size Almond Joy candy bars were taunting me. I noticed these a few days ago, but didn't let it bother me - today was another story. I had just one and it was very satisfying. I entered it into MyFitnessPal and went on with my day. Well that was until I went to school. One of our teachers announced the sex of her baby with PINK valentines candy - Exciting!! - and I couldn't pass that up either. So there goes down the esophagus another fun size candy - M&M's this time. And those were also very yummy. So there it was - a meals worth of calories in just two fun size candy. I won't beat myself up too bad because I could've had a regular size from the vending machine, but still.

I'm sure all would've been fine also, if I would've run the calories off. But I didn't. I did however do some sit-ups in my head - which unfortunately doesn't count for anything. 

Went to the doctor today which they found blood in my urine, just not as condensed as I found after my run yesterday. I am going for a CT scan tomorrow, hopefully nothing to terrible. This is precisely why I need to drink more water. These problems are precisely why I and everyone else should be drinking water, water, and more water. This is the most important element. 

Still trying to figure out if it was worth it - although it was satisfying. But maybe I'm only fooling myself.

Some test results from the doctor. I really hope it's not kidney stones.

I need to remember this!

Day 48 - Web MD to the rescue

I finally got my butt to the gym. Even though I was tired, I needed to go. I went right after school, didn't stop at home, just straight to the gym. When I stop at home for any reason I tend to mentally get comfy and make every excuse not to leave. So I did my normal run, 45 minutes - 5.5 speed. Went pretty well until I got jello legs. I ended up cooling down and stopping 10 minutes early. I still got 2.8 miles in!!

Went home afterwards for shower. Went potty and got a little scare. I had peed blood. This wasn't the first time either, last week it happened after the gym once too. So this is kind of scary. Usually when  I don't exercise for a while and I start some vigorous activity, I have spotted before, but this peeing blood thing is kind scary. So WebMD here I come.

Apparently I'm not the only one, and it sounds pretty normal for runners. The obvious solution is I obviously need to drink more water. I also need to get a urinalysis just to be sure. But from what I read, I probably shouldn't per before running again, or at least within 20 minutes of running. From what I read, my empty bladder could be slapping around while I run causing the blood, and if I had at least a little pee in my bladder it would soften the slapping around and create more of a cushion. Nonetheless, calling the doctor today - wish me luck!

Well....

The running results - short of what I wanted but farther than sittin on the couch:)

#lifeofarunner

Day 47 - Back to donating

Donating plasma isn't the most fun thing to do in the world, but it helps out so many people and you get paid for it - so why not!! It's only an hour out of my life, but can help people by adding years to theirs. Why is this prevelant to a dieting blog may you ask, and no it's not part of the no exercise excuse list. Part of the screening process for each visit is getting weighed. Under 150 lbs, the donation is 690 ml; over 150 lbs, the donation is 825 ml. Which is the difference of about 15 minutes. So even though I'm officially weighing myself monthly, seeing how much I'm donating will be a good gauge as to when I've reached under 150. Unfortunately - yesterday wasn't the day. Which is sad because my last weigh in I was only at 152ish, so why I am not under 150 by now I am solely blaming on the Raisnets. Damn them!! *shakes fist in air.  Lmbo!!

Today I made flourless pancakes. Not the best tasting things over ever had, but it was dinner regardless. I also find it interesting that I used less maple syrup because the real stuff is more liquid than the crap stuff. Makes me almost want to totally change the house over to the good stuff. I added blueberries to the pancakes which didn't make them better or worse. The pan I used wasn't that great either but still. I'll have to try some different recipes and find what combination works. I do love pancakes, but the crap ones looked a lot more fluffy and desirable than the ones I was eating. Another thing with eating breakfast food is that I wanted nothing more than a tall glass of milk with ice. I didn't - but oh how good it sounded!! But I'll pass on the pimples - so I skipped the milk.

Almost half way through - can't wait to be under 150. I hope the scale I use and the scale they use are closely comparable. 

So sleepy - but no napping allowed while donating :( That chin tho :(

My pancakes. Too much syrup too. Edible but not the best breakfast over ever had. 

Day 46 - Not so Bad

I made up for eating a lot yesterday by not eating enough today. Not on purpose though, it just seemed to work out that way. Day was busy with Church and Broomball, by the time I got home for supper I was starved. I fried up a sweet potato in ghee, so yummy, and I couldn't even eat the whole thing!! It was so filling!! Not a good idea to get full off one of those everyday, but good to know in case I have one of those munchie days.

Picked up my "Get Lucky" race packet!! Super excited!! I am a little nervous because this just solidified the realization that this is about to happen. My very first 7k! It's less than a month away and I sure hope I'm ready. I won't be if I keep up the slacking, but having the packet sure inspiration!  After the 7k is the 10k - can't stop now!! Go me!!! 

I know I've been beating myself up a bit about what I've been consuming, but looking at the pictures I took today, I must say I'm looking pretty good. I did notice a couple pimples, which doesn't surprise me since consuming the crap food, other than that though my skin is lookin beautiful and my figure is coming together. Bikini season is around the corner and I know I'll be ready. Just gotta keep eating good and crank up the exercise a bit. Never in my life have I looked good enough for a two piece, but I have a feeling that 2015 is the year!!

My Get Lucky packet!! So excited!!

Lemon water is the new thing, well infused water to be exact. Will be trying cucumber and mint this week too - gotta increase the water intake somehow!!

Me feeling sexy serious!!

Day 45 - Pot Luck

Valentine's Day Pot Luck at school today. I'm not gonna lie, it was good. I did enjoy every last bite. It is a holiday after all. And who knew when you punched in "pot luck" into MyFitnessPal it would actually have entries available. So I just slapped in 1500 calories on one of those entries and called it good. I really did want to input every item. Some said it was too much, but I wanted to play it safe. Haha. The cupcakes tho - Mel's cupcakes were devine- pretty sure I'll be dreaming about those tonight.

So because of that escapade, I was not about to skip the gym today. Turned the speed up to 5.6, set the timer to 45 minutes, and I was off and running. Got done to 17 minutes and I was so thirsty. I meant to press pause, but the dang machine stopped. Sad. 2.37 miles, 257 calories - and I had to start over. Well not from the beginning, but still. So I got my drink and pressed on. Finished my run and feeling good. Cut down my calories big time. 

So although I made some regrettable food choices today - I worked out. So I'm feelin pretty good about it. 

The set up. 

The plate.

The redemption. 

Day 44 - Someone just slap me

I'm in a downward spiral - I think I need a drill Sargent. Like the kind that screams at me every time I even pick up something remotely not okay to eat. Or guilt trip me to death. Something.

I used to love pizza - little ceasers was so awesome. I picked one up for my husband and son, and then what happened? Yes I had a slice. Totally able to ignore it all of January, now I have no will power. One thing I will say though, I won't do that again, my stomach hurt so bad. And it also didn't taste as good as I remember either. So it was a hidden blessing, but still. And totally not the end of the world - I'll work off the 260 calories on the treadmill no problem.

Well at least that's what I thought until after I ate dinner and sat on the couch. Then it was over. Knocked out. And that's where I remained until 7am. With the exception of the umpteen bail bonds calls I got that night. How many more times do I need to tell myself this - but I need to get my stuff together!

Evil!!

Made the Paleo curry chicken again. So yummy. 

This is the most I've ever been over calories. Sad. 

Day 43 - Forgot my lunch

So the lack of sleep must be getting to my brain. I got halfway to work before I realized I forgot my food. No breakfast. No lunch. No anything. Surviving the whole day at work with no food is just impossible. I won't starve but I will be hungry. There's a grocery store near by, but it's so cold outside it makes food less desirable and starving look like the way to go. So half way through the day, I'm getting a cup of coffee and then realize.... there's two hard boiled eggs I left in the fridge yesterday still there! Hallelujah!! The eggs were the grace that saved me!!! At least they helped me make it through the rest of the work day. Best believe when I got home I went straight to the kitchen and made some food though - and not just any food - my favorite dish - the sautéed oinions and mushrooms hamburger patty - OH MY GOSH - Devine!!

I also had a little coffee treat in the morning through. I needed a little help in the bathroom department and I knew coffee was the way to go. Since I've given up Caribou for a year, gas station coffee is nothing but calorie garbage, regular brewed coffee wasn't doing it for me, I splurged on the fancy stuff at work. It's this packet type coffee that's pretty good, so I chose the pumpkin spice latte. And it did just what I wanted it to do. And I don't know about anyone else, but I always feel so much better. Apparently there are people that it's a daily activity for them, well not me. Once a week of I'm lucky. Don't know what to do to help that. I suppose increasing my water intake - ugh!

Still no exercise today. That's okay though, this weekend I will make up for it. My mother is so kind to take my kids for the weekend, and I always get more done when I'm kidless. So I enjoyed my sleep and Friday there's no room for excuses!!

The coffee that saved me

Mmmmm....

This just makes me giggle - I probably would've got all the answers in this category - LOL

Day 42 - So ashamed

Well I guess I don't have to worry about the Raisnets anymore. Why, do you ask? Yeah that's cuz I ate the whole rest of the bag for breakfast this morning. And yes, I did say the rest of the bag. Bad decision cost me half my allowed calories for the day, and gave me nothing but a stomach ache. I think I'm an addict. A sugar addict. I don't know why I thought I could control myself. Just a handful I said, it'll be good I said. Yeah right. Well it doesn't matter anymore because it's gone and I'm happy. It just really brings to light my addiction to crap food. And the first step is acknowledgement.

I know this isn't the worst offense in dieting history, or that one slip up is going to automatically put 10 lbs back on, but I'm just bothered by the fact that once this thing is in my mind it's almost an obsession until it's gone. Must have willpower. 

So because of my slip up, and needing to eat actual food the rest of the day I was way over calories. The most so far. I really wanted to go to the gym to run them down, but I didn't. Sleep was more important at the moment. My husband and I are down to 1 car. I work first shift, he works second. And because I have school and my bail bonds job he can't just take the car to work. So I have to drop him off and pick him up. This means I get 2 1/2 hours of sleep after school, I pick him up, then sleep for 2 more hours. I hope this chaotic schedule only lasts for a couple weeks. Until then I can only go to the gym on days I don't have school.  My life in a nut shell:) 

And I don't even know how I do it....

And there it is. So disappointing. 

Just say no!! The addiction is real.

#nuffsaid

Day 41 - Farthest yet

I  It totI almost thought today was gonna be another wash, but I stirred up some motivation and got quite a few things done today. Did some cooking. I made some breakfast cups,  with bacon, eggs, and veggies in muffin form. So I have 4 days worth of those. Those were actually pretty easy to make, so I'm hoping they taste good, because those are going to be convenient. My lack of cooking and left overs is forcing me to starve. 

I also used to loved fried breaded eggplant. So I thought I'd try it Paleo style. I used egg, almond flour, Garlic Lovers Flavorgod seasoning, fried in ghee. It was actually pretty good and comparable. It was a little mushy and I believe it's because the eggplant was a little too ripe. I will definitely be having that again!

And get this - I actually went to the gym! Finally!! Did 40 mintues the treadmill. It was a total of 3.1 miles. 343 calories!! I did a speed of 5.2. I only took one 5 second break because I was feeling my heart hurt and my chest was heavy. Only thing I regret is thinking "now I could get away with eating some more Raisenets"-lol terrible, I know. I was still rather pleased, that's the most distance I've done so far, so I'm hoping to succeed passed that by the time the Get Lucky is here. 

I did get some items at the store to make some  flavored water tomorrow, so that's also exciting. I'm still having a problem increasing my water!! And I know it would help too. Feeling pretty good about today. 

My breakfast cups - smelled delish!!

What a wonderful trip to the grocery store should look like. 

My eggplant extravaganza.